Capitol Hill Blue Forums Misc. Topics Ranters' Soapbox Hello, Bunky

What's that, Bunky? You say that you just wanted things to slow down? Not change so fast? You feel like America is passing you by in favor of cheaper (and more reliable) Mexican models? You're not racist BUT you feel as if our culture is eroding? You're not racist BUT they should fill out the paperwork? You didn't expect things to get quite this crazy, you just wanted to tell those Goddamn liberals a thing or two? You were in fact concerned about her emails and maybe she'd get us in a war or something, so you MAGAed or Brexited or ran off and attended Milo Yopolopolis rallies?

Why is it, Bunky, that every time you [censored] the world up, you come to me for absolution? I can't give you that, and I wouldn't if I could. I don't like you, Bunky. You are a bad person. Besides, you have to repent to get absolution, and you can't seem to actually bring yourself to do that. You're mush-mouthing excuses for kiddie concentration camps and trade wars and breaking up NATO and and and...

No, Bunky, this time I can't tell you that it's going to be okay. It is in fact against my religion to tell people it's okay when you know that they're doomed.

I didn't catch that last bit, Bunky. You say that out-of-campaign political rallies are making you just a little bit nervous? That weird rant about Elton John's organ made you feel like maybe the president might be losing his grip just a little bit? Don't worry, Bunky, he was technically correct. Elton John has an organ, but he plays a piano. As for the rest of that "speech", if his cocaine-fueled 3 AM tweets didn't bother you, why would a minute or two of absolute word salad at the podium?

This is what you asked for, Bunky. This is in fact what you demanded, what you SCREAMED for in 2016. And now you're upset because he's doing exactly what he said he was going to do? You think that your friends are dodging you because they somehow got it into their heads that you're a racist and you're NOT a racist BUT...

[censored] you, Bunky. [censored] you right in the heart. In your rage that a black president got elected and reelected, you have moved us back to 1930. Not just those darn dirty liberals either, but also your mom, your sister, your wife, your daughters. That one hispanic guy you know at work. Your token black friend. This is what you have done.

Now piss off, Bunky, and stop bothering me. The next time I see you, I'm going to beat you with a piece of rebar and throw you into traffic. [censored].

Oh man what a screed. This is going to be fun.

Indeed, that puts the "Rant" in ReaderRant!

I had to look twice to make sure the Rant below, which might also be about Bunky, and came from the Blue Ridge ecosystem of Virginia, wasn't penned by our very own Doug Thompson... but it's not.

Howling in the Belly of the Confederacy

And Joe has left the building, which is very sad.
We be lucky to still have Doug.

Felt like Clint Eastwood with his empty chair.

Probably was the idea.

It was based off an old comedy routine by Eddie Lawrence.

I really had to dig dig dig to figure out that you weren't referring to New York kiddie TV shows until I suddenly realized that you were.
I spent a lot of time in New York with my cousins, and Saturday morning kid's comedy shows were a staple.

And that is when I realized that in between Soupy Sales and Sonny Fox, there he was...