Capitol Hill Blue Forums Misc. Topics Ain't This America The Child Support Thread

Actualy:In some areas of the world the catholics do forbid divorce.Like Italy,Malta,ect.The couple move into separate bed rooms.But live under the same roof.

My apologies, I was wrong. According to one site I've found on the teachings,

"Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other until death. Sacramental marriage is the sign of the covenant of salvation, to which divorce does incredible injury."

I didn't read the fine print when I filled out the annulment papers, and left the church a very long time ago - so I missed a lot of the details (as my sister occasionally reminds me!)

Anyway, I stand corrected. Rick and the Pope are on the same page!

The resentment I often see in clients is having to deal with the "ex." There is usually a reason for the divorce (and it is sometimes the same reason as for the marriage in the first place), and the resentments pile up. In the end, it is the children who suffer the most. I see plenty of women who won't take child support, or try to avoid it, so that they won't have to deal with the father. I see plenty of fathers who essentially abandon their families and start new ones (often numerous times). I see plenty of mothers who have two or three separate child support cases dealing with each of the separate fathers. I even see plenty of couples who think first about the needs of their children and make amicable arrangements for support. I even had one officer client who had found out that the child he had been supporting for over 10 years was actually (probably) not his (or at least that was the claim), but refused to take a paternity test because it would be hard on the then-13-year-old daughter to find out he was not her biological dad, or even doubted it. He paid half of her college tuition to boot, and they still have a strong relationship (or did, as of 10 years ago).

So, there are as many child support scenarios as there are children. Most of the "hard luck" stories I hear, though (no offense, Rick, but I have my doubts about your brothers' objectivity), just tick me off: I see far too many dads who complain about the money but do nothing about other support for their own children and would rather chisel the "ex" out of money than be supportive of their kids, who, after all, are supposed to be the recipients of the funds. They are all too willing to see all of the fault in her, and ignore all of their own.

Finally, as my wife has worked in Child Support Enforcement for 17+ years, I see plenty of mothers who are getting no support from fathers and living on welfare of one form or another. THEN the State gets involved, because they now have a debt to recoup. It is amazing the lengths that many of these fathers will go to to weasel out of paying any support - working under the table, misreporting income, and just plain not working to avoid having to pay it. I remember one father driving to his hearing in a brand-new ($69,000) BMW and claiming that he was "unemployable." He failed to mention at the hearing that he had made $70,000 on fishing boats that year and thought they wouldn't find out because it wasn't "regular" employment. He brought a pay stub that showed $500.00 in income (which turned out to be reimbursement). And his child support amount was only $550 a month at the time! Even when support is required, it is often not sufficient.

There is a system in place, and it is designed to foster the best interests of the children - who are faultless. Of course, since it is a system it is not perfect, but it does well in the majority of cases.

Very well said, Jon. So often we do forget in these threads concerning government and law that it is the children who are at risk and suffer the most (same as in birth control thread. That seems to be overlooked there too).

My husband was one of the generous ones who never resented the amount of money he paid or lack of equal financial support from his ex partner when they had a child (unexpectedly and unplanned). They were never married. There was never any binding legal arrangement. He never tried to keep it 'low' and paid generously. He only cared about his daughter getting what she needed when she was at her house. He knew that she was living off that money too but he also knew a portion of it made its way to feed his daughter. That is all he cared about.
She couldn't work. She's got too many problems.

If you haven't figured this out....my husband and I (who married when she was a little over a year old) raised her together. Said mother was in and out of her life after the initial babyhood years. Money got adjusted from time to time because of that and finally she just faded away (mostly).

,

Amen, brutha! I hear that a lot from men. My bro refers to his ex as "that" woman.

Relationships - you can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em.

Exactly. So I don't understand why rent, etc need to be factored in - the mother needs to take care of "rent" etc, after all, if she were single, she'd have to do that anyway.

I feel the support of the child begins once a parent or parents provides the basics for him/herself.

A divorced father shouldn't have to worry that the mother has a roof over her head - only that the kid does - the kid and the mother aren't "roommates" after all, there's no splitting costs down the middle - that's so bogus.

See? See? I told you! Men absolutely feel that mothers "try" to "dip" and receive a "portion" as well - the money's not for the mother.

...and I'm not even Catholic!

If the child needs a caretaker, the caretaker also needs a home. And the home will likely be larger and more expensive for a parent and child than it would be for a single adult living alone, in order to accommodate the child. It may also need to be in a safer area.

No matter how you feel about it, support of a child often includes support of the custodial parent. The two can't be split. How hard is it to separate costs between roommates? Complicate that by thousands, and you'll begin to approach the difficulty.