andy borowitz

"Cheney, Briefly Assuming Bush’s Duties, Says He Enjoyed The DowntimePresident’s Colon Procedure Offered Welcome Break From Grueling Vice-Presidential ScheduleVice-President Dick Cheney, having briefly assumed President Bush’s duties while the President underwent a routine colon procedure on Saturday, told reporters today that he “enjoyed the downtime immensely.”

The two hours and fifteen minutes spent doing Bush’s job were “incredibly relaxing,” Mr. Cheney said, adding that they were a welcome relief from his exacting Vice-Presidential schedule.

Invoking the Twenty-fifth Amendment to the Constitution Saturday morning, Mr. Bush transferred to Mr. Cheney all of his presidential responsibilities, which meant that Mr. Cheney spent Saturday jogging, going to the gym, and hitting a ball for Mr. Bush’s dog to retrieve.

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"The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words."
(Philip K.Dick)