Ma cannot become a member of the club until he learns to spell.
Died in the wool sounds ominously like a Bushism. And if he's going to use Bushism's, he cannot be a member.

(Note to Ma: try dyed in the wool)

"The white men were as thick and numerous and aimless as grasshoppers, moving always in a hurry but never seeming to get to whatever place it was they were going to." Dee Brown