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Dec 6th, 2017
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Joined: May 2005
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...support of a child often includes support of the custodial parent. The two can't be split. Many of the divorced guys that I know don't share this idea and will insist that the two are split. I know of no guy that will "support" his ex-wife. The divorced guys that know hate their ex-wifes with a passion. I mean hate and would do physical harm if they could get away with it.
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My best friend's partner was formerly married and the partner is now in a custody battle for his last child. The mother placed a restraining order against him because he came out as gay. Yet, the ex-wife wants to continue the $1500.00/mo child support, keep the house for herself and not sell it and wants the dad to have nothing to do with the kid. I got this email on 07/31/08 regarding the restraining order; Hey,
We'll get the details this morning, but he did call their office, and not sure why, but Debbie was ordered to start having Alex make the calls to Blair. He has always called her once a week on Friday's at 7pm your time. For some reason, she was ordered to have Alex initiate the calls. As far as I am concerned, this is a big deal. I'll bet Debbie was soooooooo pissed.
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Rick - I will take a line from you. Anyone - male or female - who cannot put aside differences with an ex-partner and put the child first, has no business having the child at all.
And frankly, until the animosity disappears (if it ever does), I feel sorry for any child caught up in such a mess.
Julia
A 45’s quicker than 409
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Administrator Bionic Scribe
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I live in Calif.Went through a divorce in 98 My kid was 6.My ex moved back east.I at the time had no idea about visitation.In other words I had not established it with the court.As far as the court new I did not want to spend time with my kid.Based on my income I paid $1400.00 per month.Plus my kid spent the summers with me.I paid her air fare,Summer camp,you name it.Some summers I would take weeks off to spend time with her.Big cost.Then I found out if I had visitation my child support would go down.I filed with the courts for visitation and got 3 months a year.My child support went down to $900.00 a month.Then in 04 work had slowed down so I went to court to have child support reduced.Found out I was paying to much at $900.00 a month.My child support went to $550.00 per month.At that point her mother didn't want her back at the end of summer 04.So I went back to court and got my kid.Then when I took her mother to court for child support the court ruled that because she did not work she didn't have to pay.Now with all that said it cost me about $50,000 in att fees.Im glad I did what I did.Because now no one can say that I didn,t do what I needed to do.My kid is now 17 I have been divorced for 10 years now and am still dealing with this women.So put that in your pipe and smoke it.But I'll tell you what the best day in my life was when m I got divorced . Too bad that you don't consider the best day as that when your daughter was born. 
milk and Girl Scout cookies ;-)
Save your breath-You may need it to blow up your date.
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And frankly, until the animosity disappears (if it ever does), I feel sorry for any child caught up in such a mess. I totally agree. However, as we both know, kids are usually the pawns in the divorce.
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And now we've come full circle, because guess what? I'd wager that childish irresponsibility and/or unwillingness to put the child first, is the reason those 77% get less than the child support they're supposed to.
And it's the non-custodial parent who is not making payments. Custodial parent don't make payments to themselves.
Please understand that I am using non-gender-specific language because I believe the situation is the same without regard to which parent is custodial.
Last edited by Mellowicious; 08/05/08 12:09 AM.
Julia
A 45’s quicker than 409
Betty’s cleaning’ house for the very last time
Betty’s bein’ bad
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And now we've come full circle, because guess what? I'd wager that childish irresponsibility and/or unwillingness to put the child first, is the reason those 77% get less than the child support they're supposed to. I'm sure you'd win your wager - therefore, I will not bet against you - I'll bet with you.
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when ex partners put their 'hatred' for each other before the child they created together, neither one of them is a worthwhile parent.
It is sickening to put a child in that position.
As far as supporting the custodial parent (for the short time she was), my husband had the greater earning power and you're talking about a person with severe emotional problems.
What would you do if it were your child?
Not feed it?
We've never regretted one dollar "too many" we gave her. Not one.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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It is sickening to put a child in that position. Absolutely! But, we both know that is the reality of a divorce as both parents want the kid to "choose a side."
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Administrator Bionic Scribe
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Administrator Bionic Scribe
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And now we've come full circle, because guess what? I'd wager that childish irresponsibility and/or unwillingness to put the child first, is the reason those 77% get less than the child support they're supposed to.
And it's the non-custodial parent who is not making payments. Custodial parent don't make payments to themselves.
Please understand that I am using non-gender-specific language because I believe the situation is the same without regard to which parent is custodial. Don't think you are correct about that 77% but it is irrelevant. Because one spouse is a jerk is no reason to skimp on support. Let me correct some language, at least from a california perspective. In an attempt to take some of the heat out of these situations, the courts no longer speak in terms of custody. It is expected that both parents will spend some time with the child, so the terms are "primary caregiver" and "secondary". I find this removes the notion that the child is a chattel to be used for one purpose or another. And yes, courts will order a spouse to spend time with the child that does not live with them (secondary caregiver). It is just as enforceable as any other order. So then the court figures the % time spent with each parent, their respective incomes, and a number of other usually lesser factors, and has a chart it uses for the support order. The court is not permitted to deviate from the chart unless it can show extenuating circumstances. Now since part of the cost of child rearing is housing, of course the supporting parent will feel he or she is providing support to the ex, but it is really just covering part of the cost of housing a child.
Life is a banquet -- and most poor suckers are starving to death -- Auntie Mame
You are born naked and everything else is drag - RuPaul
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