Capitol Hill Blue Forums Life and Moral Issues American Humor Miscellaneous humor thread

Stolen and posted to Facebook

>What did your dentist say?

The man's wife had been in a coma for over a month, when the doctor treating her finally admitted he had nothing else left to try. "Conventional Medicine just has no idea why some coma patients don't wake up, after a minor concussion like your wife suffered in her accident.", he told the man.
"Is there anything unconventional we can try?", asked the grieving husband.
"Well, some doctors have reported patients waking up during extremely painful or pleasant stimulation. I suppose we could try that, though it would be experimental.", the doctor explained. "How about we start with some very pleasant?"
"What did you have in mind?", the man asked.
"Well, how about oral sex? We'll give you some privacy with your wife, and we'll see if that can arouse her.", the doctor suggested.

The experiment was underway for five minutes when suddenly all of remote monitors started screaming for attention. "Code Blue, respiratory arrest in room 416" went out over the PA system, as a dozen doctors and nurses rushed into her room. When they got there, they found the patient's breathing tube had been removed and the husband was zipping up his pants.
"Gee, doc, I don't think that oral sex idea you had worked very well. She did seem to wake up a bit in the middle of it, but I think that's just because she couldn't breath very well."

>Jesus watches

I read about a man who had a vigorous sex life with his wife, right up until his elderly mother passed away. At the funeral, the minister told him: "Now your mother is in heaven, and she is watching over you always."

He never could perform again after that, because he believed that literally! Every time he became aroused, he would picture his mother watching, and it was flop-city.

Lordy--