Capitol Hill Blue Forums Life and Moral Issues American Humor Miscellaneous humor thread

Maybe the Coast Guard?

Re Watermelon Oreos:

That's not a spoof! I googled them and they do exist.

At least they did not put the watermelon inside the more traditional chocolate-colored wafers.

I've been seeing lots of weird Oreos lately. I was also enjoying special bags of Cheetos that contained five different varieties, but they are gone now.

As for the "Which should I call, a plumber or an electrician?" question: You probably also need to call a roofer, because that is water draining down through an electrical conduit. It might be coming from a busted water pipe, or it might be coming from rain through your leaky roof.

He grabbed me around my slender neck
I could not call or scream.
He dragged me to my dingy room
Where we could not be seen.

He tore away my flimsy wrap
And gazed upon my form.
I was so cold and damp and scared
While he was dry and warm.

He pressed his feverish lips to mine
I could not make him stop.
He drained me of my inner self
I gave him every drop.

Then he cast me from his side
So now you see me here.
An empty bottle thrown away
That once was full of beer.

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is – a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marvelled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen"

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch.. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it! Of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear & his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped & clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner"

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added," And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

A big smile crept across his face as he said,

"You f---ers are my kind of people."