Capitol Hill Blue Forums Life and Moral Issues American Humor Miscellaneous humor thread

Was there ever a wrong place at the right time?

That is exactly where superheroes go to foil the nefarious evil plots of the bad guys.

I'd like a few private moments, if you all will indulge me, while my mind is blowing.

Penis Surgery...*

*A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.*

*The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the
freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."*

*The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."*

*The man perks up.*

*"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I
understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a
nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she
might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you
make a decision."*

*The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.*

*The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"*
*"Yes I have," says the man.*

*"And has she helped you make a decision?"*

*"Yes" says the man.*

*"What is your decision?" asks the doctor*

*"We're getting granite counter tops."*

SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR.....On his 80th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction! The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, ''This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working. "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"


And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

I don't know why, but this just makes me laugh uncontrollably.
I guess I am easily amused.

That makes two of us.