Capitol Hill Blue Forums Life and Moral Issues American Humor Miscellaneous humor thread

Kind of a funny story, though it still makes me wince...

It came to mind because we sold our house five years ago and carried a contract with a five year balloon payoff and the buyers are doing a refi with Quicken Loans right now. We are to the point of "the handoff", QL needs to give us the money and we need to give them a signed off deed. But since this is all happening remotely, there is no face-to-face scenario of deed in one hand, check in the other. It's an awkward handoff...

That brought back a memory from long ago in North Idaho (that's how it's said up there, like northern Idaho is a separate state). I had traded a 1970 Chevy Suburban (former Forest Service rig) for a 1970 Chevy C30 flatbed truck - I had valued the Suburban at $500 and thought the C30 was worth more than that - at least $800, so a good trade.

I parked the truck at a friend's saddle shop right on Highway 2, so it had excellent exposure, but a month went by with no calls. I decided to take it home and do a bit of cosmetic work to make it more appealing. After work one evening I got a ride into town (it was winter so dark out and a little foggy) and got the truck and started home with it. Just as I turned north on Hwy 57 a guy in a big old beater car herded me off into a gas station parking lot. We both got out, he with only a left arm and fairly drunk, and he asked how much for the truck? "$1200", I said. "I need to drive it", he said. Being fairly young and not overly cautious, we got in with him behind the wheel. It was a little hair-raising, and kind of remarkable watching a drunk guy with just a left arm driving a 1-ton truck with a stick shift.

After driving up the road about a half mile and back again, he said he'd take it, but would only pay $1500. I hesitated, not out of strategic coolness but of of being rather disoriented by the whole experience, and then said, "Okay, I'll take $1500". He yelled at his skanky momma to get the money out of the glovebox, which she did and brought it over. He counted out fifteen $100 dollar bills and handed them to me - but didn't let go - so there we stood in the middle of a frozen handoff as he said, "I need the title". Well, I didn't have the title with me as I hadn't thought I would be selling the truck that evening. I said it was at home and I lived 10 miles out of town, so I could be back in 40 minutes. He said okay, meet him at King's Bar (probably the biggest dive bar in the area).

Pedal to the metal in the diesel Volkswagen Rabbit over a stretch of potholey county roads and back to the bar in 30 minutes, well-shaken, not stirred. I went into Kings Bar (I had never been in it before) and looked around for the one-armed man, but he wasn't there. After waiting around for half an hour, I decided it was all a cruel joke - got back in the truck and drove home. The next day my saddle-maker friend called and said a one-armed guy was just in, mad as hell that I never showed up at the bar. But that was it - I never ran across the guy again.

Awkward handoffs...

Awkward handoffs... make great stories.

My favorite aphorism: There are good adventures, and bad adventures. The bad adventures make better stories.

'

.

A black man and a white man, both first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a newborn black baby.

The nurse smiles and says, "Now, I wonder who this belongs to?"

The white man laughs and says, "It's probably mine. My wife burns everything."

That is so wrong on so many levels.



My wife does not find it funny

It is another example of gender specific "humor". Humor is based, in part, on an unexpected ending/twist. You are expecting a racist or perhaps a cuckold joke and it turns out to be sexist instead. One just has to be aware of the audience gender mixture to predict the effectiveness of a given joke. Or it may just be that women dont really have a sense of humor that has the finely honed sensitivity of the typical straight male.
Tat
(My wife is out of the country)

For example you may remember this one.

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love' and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don't have time for nonsense..."

Adam asked God, "What would she cost?"

God: "Your left arm..."

Adam:"What can I get for a rib?"

In my experience most women will smile while grimacing and giving me the evil eye, but know I am yanking their chains. You have to know them well enough, so that they know it isnt your real opinion. Its not advised for strangers or at the HR X-mas party. You just never know who might be on the verge from PMS. Which reminds me of another joke, but I dont think I know you all well enough...
Tat

I didn't think it was racist or sexist. I just thought it was funny.

It's not just a monuntain in Alaska!
Tat