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The outdoors are vastly overrated! Think of it: our species is thriving on this hostile planet exactly because wisely, we built artificial habitats to live in and keep the predators outside.
The outdoors have mosquitoes, the biggest killer of humans in the entire humankind history, and still today, more than all the wars put together. Humans are the second biggest cause of death of other humans. The first one is mosquitoes (malaria, yellow fever, hemorrhagic dengue, etc. etc.).
The outdoors have snakes, scorpions, spiders, and now even murder hornets!
The outdoors have coronaviruses. Recently a task force found the SARS-CoV-2 lurking in various outdoor locations (handrails, benches, etc.).
The outdoors have crocodiles. They eat babies. They drag grown people under water to drown.
The outdoors have rabid bats and squirrels and dogs.
The outdoors have grizzly bears and cougars and mountain lions. They eat you.
The outdoors have UV-As and UV-Bs that damage the DNA in skin cells and make them susceptible to bad, bad skin cancers that will kill ya. Oh well, they help with Vitamin D, but you can order a nice big bottle of Vitamin D from Amazon and they'll deliver it to your porch so you don't even need to go expose yourself to the evil UV-As and UV-Bs to get the package. Thank you, Amazon!
The outdoors have pebbles and rocks and puddles for you to slip or trip and fall and break bones. Breaking a femur is not fun.
The outdoors have cars, buses, and trucks that can run you over. That will kill you too. Not to forget, you'll be breathing their diesel fumes. It's pretty nasty.
The outdoors have extremes of temperature. Too hot, too cold; not fun. It's too humid sometimes. Or too dry.
There is rain outdoors. Rain is so annoying. Not to forget, there is also lightning. That can kill ya too.
The outdoors have bad people who mug you. If you're a woman they can even rape you.
The outdoors have pollen that causes seasonal allergies. Runny noses and constant sneezing; thanks, but no thanks. And other irritants include poison ivy!
Pigeons can s*** on your head if you go outdoors.
Cops and park rangers can arrest you and/or fine you if you openly drink alcohol on the streets or national parks.
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Now, think of the fabulous world known as indoors.
With a good central AC/heating system and a smart thermostat, you can have a comfortably constant and ideal temperature, and the best systems control the degree of humidity too, to a perfect level.
You are protected from the evil UV-As and UV-Bs. No skin cancer for you. You'll have fewer wrinkles, too. And should I remind you of sunburn? Do you care for looking like a lobster???
All predators are kept outside. Great. No snakes, scorpions, spiders, murder hornets, mosquitoes, crocodiles, grizzly bears, cougars, mountain lions, muggers, and rapists. And no pigeon will s*** on you.
The floor is flat and void of pebbles and rocks and puddles. You can keep your femurs intact.
For the most part if your house is not too close to the street, cars and trucks and buses don't come crashing into it.
You can have nice HEPA filters with activated carbon that will keep your indoors pollen free and without polluting odors. No poison ivy.
If you stay put and you don't let other people into your home, your indoors will be SARS-CoV-2 free.
The indoors are protected with lightening rods, and it doesn't rain indoors unless there is a leak from upstairs.
You don't get arrested or fined for drinking alcohol indoors. Or whatever other substance you fancy.
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OK, I do acknowledge that the outdoors can be pretty, sometimes. But there's a solution for that. Get a huge large-screen TV, like 85 inches, one of the thin ones you hang on a wall, ultra HD, and you can have all the outdoors beauty you need from the National Geographic channel, Travel channel, some BBC specials on nature, etc. You get all the beautiful imagery without the mosquitoes, the UV-As and UV-Bs, the bad smells, etc.
Oh, there are good smells outdoors, too? Certainly. But you can get those from aromatherapy candles and sticks you can have indoors. There, another apparent advantage of the outdoors goes away.
Yeah, yeah, there's the ocean, right? The ocean is pretty neat, I agree. But there are sharks, stingy jellyfish, venomous medusae, and dangerous currents. The oceans can eat you and sting you and drown you. You want the oceans? Maybe you can get another large screen HDTV with ocean documentaries installed next to a jacuzzi. There you go, and the jacuzzi's water is at a nicer temperature than the ocean's water.
Some crazy people might like the feeling of raindrops on their skin. I don't. But in any case, the indoors have showers.
Sports, you say? Another very, very dangerous activity. People break bones and tear ACLs and get concussions. Come on, sports are much more fun to watch than to play; certainly, much safer to watch than to play. If you have a nice lazy boy chair with a cup holder and a nice HDTV you can get your fix of sports much better indoors, and cold beer is just a few yards away in your fridge, and your clean and nice-smelling bathroom is right there. No comparison to waiting in long lines to get beer from a concession stand and to get to a filthy and smelly restroom, not to forget the traffic jam in and out of the stadium and the outrageous parking fees. Oh no, sports are much better indoors.
Flowers, herb gardens, and you love nature's animals? Call a florist for home delivery. Hydroponic herb gardens. Get pets. Preferably the ones you don't need to walk outdoors with, so cats rather than dogs, and gold fish. Birds, creek sounds? You can have caged birds indoors (so that they don't s*** on your head), and a white sound machine. Alexa will play for you any outdoorsy sounds you may possibly want.
Cabin fever? Go for a ride in your car, hopefully with good AC/heating and cabin HEPA filter. Get to a drive-in movie theater. As soon as the cabin fever dissipates, rush rush, drive back to the safety and comfort of your indoors.
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Have you seen those headhunter messages when one is trying to recruit you to some job? They will tout the location of the new job, and some will say "great outdoors activities." Translation = middle of nowhere.
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I think I've thoroughly demonstrated the vast superiority of the indoors over the outdoors, and how to simulate indoors the few and rare advantages of outdoor living. Going outside is folly. Folly, I'll tell ya. That's stuff for crazy and imprudent people.
Last edited by GreatNewsTonight; 05/11/2005:09 PM.
Please take COVID-19 seriously; don't panic but don't deny it; practice social distancing (stay 6ft from people); wash your hands a lot, don't touch your face, don't gather with too many people, so that you help us contain it.
