A charbecue is a magical device, invented by a swell bunch of Trolls, whereby an ordinary Muggle may cook food to perfection while making money and removing 15 pounds of CO2 from the atmosphere in the process.

It's very, very hard for me to believe that a person of your excellence and obvious connections has never heard of this sorcery?

You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.
R. Buckminster Fuller